GO TEAM JACOB!!!

So in the wee hours of this morning I went to a midnight screening of New Moon, the latest release in the Twilight Saga.

Preparation for the event was fierce. I scoured all possible cinemas to secure the best available seats. With most of the Greater Union Cinemas almost sold out my lady friend and I decided we’d try our luck at Hoyts Broadway where seating was unallocated, we’d just have to get there early.

Once tickets were secured I had to make sure I didn’t miss a second of the adrenaline fueled, hallucination inducing action. To this end I had a nap from about 9-10pm. ACTION PACKED NAP!!!

I was driven to the cinema by my lady friend’s lady friend (don’t ask) and we lined up in what was a rather underwhelming line. I had expected wall to wall 14 year old girls squealing at the prospect of seeing Bella mope around with Charlie waiting for Edward to come back. I guess this has a lot to do with Twilight’s fading popularity. A really unfunny person would say that the franchise is in it’s twilight! But not me, I wouldn’t say that, I’m way funnier than that…

Seats were awesome, as was the giant bucket ‘o slurpee I had and the delicious vanilla choc top (best flavour of choc top for sure)

So the film itself is actually really good. The first film was awesomely crap. But this is half genuinely awesome and half genuinely crap. The way I viewed it was the bits that stayed true to the novel were crap and the bits that screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg (who also wrote the first film and also a couple of OC episodes) embellished were either hillarious, compelling or both.

Director Chris Weitz can pick a good script but really can’t direct. The amount of shots that didn’t add to the plot and were just plain dizzying was absurd. Beyond this he really can’t create any sort of tension and in a film that is based around the sexual tension of the two leads that’s pretty poor.

As for the acting. Well there were only about 2 or 3 awkward “wow you really need acting lessons” moments. Thankfully these all occurred when Taylor Lautner had his shirt off.

 

Kristen Stewart got paid to touch that

In fact, Taylor had is top off an awful lot in the film. At times it was actually gratuitous. I mean it was like a female actor walking around in a bikini for 80% of a film aimed at teenage guys and I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Due to the incredibly thin story line (Edward leaves, Bella pines) I think this is the closest thing to a porno that’s hit cinemas since “Zac and Miri make a porno” even that was more of a romantic comedy with nudity. Bad acting, no real plot, and lots of toplessness; sounds kinda like a pornographic film to me. The only thing saving it I guess were the awesome production features.

Speaking of which the wolves looked amazing. Beyond that the visions of Edward were actually really cool as they dispelled into smoke.

In all this was a really enjoyable film that you should see for a laugh. Don’t take it seriously and you’ll enjoy yourself. Now I’m going to catch up on some sleep.

Oh and check out http://www.abc.net.au/atthemovies/txt/s2738615.htm for what Margaret and David had to say about it.

 

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